My Day...

So today has been a really rough day for me, one of the worst since moving back into the house. The mental breakdown kind of day where everything is weighing on me and I am convinced I am not enough. Then one after another, events during the day confirm my fears that I am a failure and there is nothing to do but give up. Yeah, not my favorite kind of day.

Then my five year old hurts her chin and I offer a hug, which she takes eagerly ('cause on days like today, I just don't have much for my children) and as I am rocking her I begin to sing, as I often do for my children, just mindlessly singing whatever song comes to mind. I get to the second verse of the song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender these into Your hands." And I catch myself, not really hearing what I had just said, so I repeated these words as truth washed over me. I am not enough...but He is!

I cannot carry my husband and children. I cannot carry my family. I cannot carry my husband's family. I cannot carry my church. I cannot carry my friends. I cannot even carry myself! But His hands are big enough to hold us all and His plans are sufficient to cover all of us!

But then came supper and trying to have a "moment" with the kids decorating the tree...and I got hit again. You are not enough. And I was crushed, just that easy I went right back to those lies and it took everything I had to cling to these truths:

"All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free."

I am spent and exhausted, but clinging to His hands...because He promises to take my burden and I really need that today!