Thanksgiving

May this thanksgiving be a daily practice of gratitude, grace and joy. I will name the gifts making me aware of His love and filling me with Him...with His grace and joy to fully live in today and sustain me when I cannot see the gifts through my grief and pain. This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Whether you have read Ann's book or not, this video will give you the tools and ideas needed to start naming your gifts. Will you join me?

*Note:  The video is 22 minutes long, but I felt it was time very well spent...a gift, if you will.

**One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp is available at Amazon.

Photo A Month - November

This month I wanted a photo of the whole family to use for Christmas...so I set up the tripod and took a shot of me and my crew!

Wishing you and your crew a Thanksgiving full of gratitude,

a Christmas filled with joy and many blessings in the New Year.

Foreboding Joy

Planning ahead. Being prepared. What if hubby lost his job? What if the house were destroyed? What if something happens to my husband or one of my children or me? What about a disaster, such as a tornado or problem at the nuclear plant? Do I have water and food for the coming storm? What about gas for the generator in case we lose power? Do I have the savings and insurance I need? Where would we go, what would we do? How would my kids be cared and provided for?

This planning, finding answers to these questions. brings a level of peace.But maybe there's a point at which the planning needs to stop and the joy in today needs to take over. The potential for loss and grief aren't minimized by planning or by "practicing being devastated". When trauma, disaster, loss happen am I really going to feel better because I had a plan? Or am I going to wish that I had spent at least a few of those planning moments taking in life and receiving joy.

(The steam from the local nuclear plant as seen from my front window.)


"We're trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don't want to be blindsided by hurt. We don't want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practiced being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment."
Daring Greatly, Dr. Brene Brown, pg 121

Dr Brown suggests that I cannot selectively numb emotions. If I try to numb pain...I numb the joy by default. The only guarantee is that if I don't allow myself to experience joy and love, my reservoir will not have what I need when I face pain, loss and trauma (Kansas Ted Talk).

I feel Dr Brown has put something I've been struggling with into words. I don't feel at home and settled in our new house because I know it could all be taken away again and somehow if I'm not as attached it would be easier to let it go. But by not attaching, by being constantly prepared to lose my home, am I missing out on joy? Am I shrinking away from joy as a shield from loss? And then this crippling thought:  Is it a price I'm willing to pay?

Today I am choosing to focus on the joy, not because planning is bad or wrong or unnecessary, but because the planning needs to take a backseat to living...

Daring Greatly

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Man in the Arena Speech, Theodore Roosevelt

I have shared this before because it is just too good not too. Fear, embarrassment, shame...they keep me out of my "arenas" be it a relationship or a difficult conversation or a creative process, they tell me that I can't do it right, that I will fail, that I will be laughed at and made fun of, they tell me I might as well not bother even trying. When I listen to those voices, I fail to show up, to be seen, to dare greatly.

When Dr. Brene Brown released her latest book "Daring Greatly" this past year, I knew I had to read it. I finally got it ordered this fall and read it in a week. I loved it! She used terms and definitions I could understand and follow. She speaks to the core of guarding myself against pain and in the process shutting out the joy (I will post later about this specifically). She speaks of shame resilience, the tapes/lies/critics we listen to and the challenges of inspiring others.

She also speaks a great deal about parenting and how showing up and really being present with my children is more important than being a "perfect" parent. Can I face my own fears (arena) long enough to engage my child in their own emotions and fears? Can I be honest about the lies I still believe about myself and help them see the truth of who they are and their worthiness?

I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in confronting shame, fear and the "critic" ('cause honestly, somedays I am my own worst critic) and daring to be courageous.

"Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting." (pg 243)

"When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make." (pg 2)

"...language and story bring light to shame and destroy it." (pg 67)

"We don't have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with action." (pg 182)

Photo a Month - October

The month got away from me, but early November I managed to take the photo I'd been planning. October 7-13 was International Babywearing Week and while my youngest really isn't a baby anymore I do still wear her in my carrier, so I thought I should share a photo of kiddowearing. :)

Teeny Tears

For most the news that they are expecting a baby is exciting! But for many, this time of excitement and joy turns to sorrow and grief when their precious little one dies before birth. Approximately 20% (or one in every five) pregnancies end in miscarriage (before 20 weeks gestation). Twenty-six thousand or one in every 200 babies are stillborn (between 20 weeks and birth) in the US every year. That is a lot of sorrow and grief.

Having experienced it personally, both through my own miscarriage and the miscarriages and stillbirths of family and friends, I have been searching for something I could do to remind even a few of these families that they are not alone in their grief. I found Teeny Tears last year and have finally been able to start working with them this past month.

This organization provides teeny flannel diapers (in sets of two, one for baby and one for mommy) in sizes appropriate for little ones as young as 18 weeks gestation. The flannel is soft on their delicate skin and provides the parents with something for their baby to wear for burial. They are in hospitals throughout the country and there are now some internationally.

I completed my first 52 sets and will be donating them locally. I am donating them in memory of our loss, as well as those of my friends and family. Some of the cards will list a specific baby I am remembering and others will be acknowledged anonymously. If you would like some donated in memory of a little one in your life, please (please, please) message me!

If you are interested in making some yourself, follow the link above to contact Teeny Tears directly. Otherwise, just let me know and I can walk you through the process or we can work together!

As I sewed each teeny little diaper, I thought of the losses I know and of the ones that will occur and use these diapers. I found hope in knowing the journey to parenthood is not easy and can be quite painful, but for everyone in the midst of grief today, there are people who understand and care. They are not alone! ...and isn't that really what we all need to know!?!

Wall Painting (from this summer)

A while back I shared that I had done some more painting in the house and promised to share photos...I finally took some! The master bath had this wall that was just pleading for a little paint. I found a design I like, traced it out on the wall and went to town with some contrasting paint leftover from the ceiling.

In the entryway I have been playing with a variety of ideas (picture collections, a large clock, etc) and decided it was time to try some paint. I used the same technique I used in the bathroom, using the taupe left over from the other walls. I have placed framed photos to make a "family tree", birthday banners and currently the children's Thanksgiving leaves.

And then I completed the last piece of the Panther football bedroom that I had planned when we moved in over a year prior. The scoreboard is up and the home team is ahead!

October Birthdays!!!

My littles are growing up! Mister wanted an NFL Panther's party and Miss wanted a western/cowgirl party...so we decorated with pumpkins, fall leaves, bandanas and hats with a couple footballs tossed in. We had some of our favorite football party foods (chicken wings, chips and dips) and some good old-fashioned campfire yummies (hot dogs, burgers, baked beans). Then of course there was cake...lots of cake, including gluten-free chocolate muffins for my sis-in-law's 30th birthday and some Hostess Zingers for my mom's birthday (it's a very busy week!).

Thanks to all the family and friends who filled our home with laughter and celebration. For those who could not attend...here are just a few photos of the fun!

 

 

 

 

Later that week we were able to have a lovely lunch with one of my other sis-in-law's celebrating her 25th birthday! :)