Next Step

This realization, that my relationships are everything to me, that my "resolutions" needed to reflect my priorities, has radically changed my "list." It really isn't a list at all, but more of a guide. Priorities for my life with specific goals for the next step. (For those homeschool parents who are familiar with Destinations*, it is a similar process.)

I still plan projects that add to my life's enjoyment (photos, crafts, sewing) and things to better myself (health, exercise, reading, something new to learn). Hubby and I plan the next step in our goals for the kids and our family (employment, house).

But the majority of my goals center around my relationships. Striving to be my husband's "helpmate" and not a hindrance to him, to keep our relationship strong. Creating an environment of nurture and learning for our children, where they are free to grow and develop and become the people God created them to be. Where I can focus on character and the uniqueness God created them with, in a world of young people trying so hard to be unique they end up lost in the crowd of everyone else trying to be unique.

A prayer list, mailing (yes, with a stamp and all) notes of encouragement and support, taking time to listen, pray and really care for the important people in my life. And this is not always easy! Sometimes my relationship with a V.I.P. is not where I want it. I have to give our relationship the room to be what we are both comfortable with it being. While keeping myself open and not taking things too personally (that one is really hard for me!).

The challenge with these goals, is that they are ongoing. The year does not end with neatly marked off items on a list. My year ends with lessons learned, opportunities to grow and new ideas to try. The challenge is that this "list" will never be "done". Relationships are constantly changing, hopefully growing and moving forward, but in my experience they do not stand still.

This is how I live without regret. Knowing that I have given of myself, taken steps to reconcile (though not always successful, at least I'm trying. I am not responsible for the other person.). I've admitted my own mistakes and sought to learn from them. I forgive myself and others, realizing that consequences cannot always be avoided but attempting to learn from those too. It is about being the best me (lets face it, I will never be a Martha Stewart), about becoming the person I was created to be, about inspiring, encouraging and mentoring.

So a blog fit into these goals because....


* Click here for information on Destinations and how to order. (yes, this is a shameless plug for my father-in-law, but it really is good!)

Defining Moment

As exciting as accomplishment feels, I really believe life is more than a "to-do list" of things to check off before I die. During this time, my granddad died. He was in his 70s and had been sick for some time. I saw his death as a relief that he was finally out of pain. But upon my Granddad's death, several documents were uncovered, including a letter I'd never seen before. It was written by my Granddad, an eulogy for his father's funeral...

I believe that most fathers and sons love each other, though the expression of this love is rarely spoken. I recall that only once did I say "I love you, Dad," and that was while his body and his mind were ravaged by cancer, and he did not comprehend.

Dad was a kind and quiet man sometimes given to a slightly growly disposition. Those were depression times, and though we had little, Dad cared and shared as best he could except for one possession: his automobile.

When I became sixteen and acquired my driver's license, I thought surely I would be allowed on occasion to use our old and dilapidated automobile. Infrequently, I would hesitantly ask, and he would reluctantly allow me to use the car. This usually set off his growly mood. The next day, after having used the car, he would insist it no longer performed the same. This attitude soon convinced me that I should forego the use of the automobile and revert to my usual walking or bicycling.

World War II came to haunt us, and I inlisted as an Aviation Cadet in the Army Air Force. After eighteen months of flight training, I was awarded my wings and became an officer. I was assigned a crew and a new B-24 Liberator bomber. With my crew, I flew the plane from Topeka, Kansas, to Bangor, Maine; to Gander Bay, Newfoundland; to Terceira Island, Azores; to Morroco; to Tunisia; to Italy to join the 480th Bomb Group of the 15th Air Force. From this base in Italy, I successfully completed my combat missions.

I know in my heart that my Dad was extremely proud of my achievements in those early years. Though he never talked about it to me, my Mother and other friends related to me his words: "Isn't it remarkable that the government trusts my son with a half-million dollar airplane, and I didn't trust him with a $300 automobile!"

I am one up on Dad. I believe I heard him say "I love you, son."


I cried the first time I read this, and honestly still have a hard time getting through it. What tugs at my heart the most, is that this is the legacy my Granddad left. He had regrets with his father, but died with similar regrets with his children. At this writing, these regrets appear to have been passed down to my generation as well. How sad! Of all the amazing things these men have done, all of their accomplishments, they died without reconciling their relationships. They died with regret and left others here with regrets, too late to do anything about them.

I could say I don't want to die with regrets, but the truth is, I don't want to live with them. I don't want to go to someone's funeral wishing I had forgiven them, wishing I had reached out to them, wishing...

I want to live in the freedom my Savior bought for me. I want to live, really live, and face my own mortality with the knowledge that I did my best, took chances, risked getting hurt to reconcile relationships. Because in the end, I believe all I really have is me and my relationships. Nothing else will matter.

Overview

A new year and with it a new list of resolutions, most of which will be abandoned before the end of the month. By June I am so frustrated with myself, I just want to give up and in December, I am mustering the courage to roll the list into a new one for the following year. What a hopeless cycle I've gotten myself into. I never really accomplish anything. I never feel good about myself. I just have this nagging regret that won't go away. But the draw to better myself, accomplish something great or mark something off of my "bucket list" compels me to compile the list...again.

But...remember that book I read? The one about getting into the "wow zone"? Well, it prodded me to really look at my list, honestly. What is really important to me? What will I truly regret when my life is over? How do I measure my success? When will I be happy? content? feel good about myself? Hard questions that took several years to sort out and some answers are still being defined. But what a change in my list this January...and in my attitude towards myself and my life.

I started by listing everything I had committed to for myself or someone else. Like learning Latin, printing and mailing pictures to a family member, touring Europe, losing 30 pounds. Then I went through them one by one and asked myself if this was really something I was going to accomplish? Is this really an attainable goal? I realized Latin was going to take more time, money and effort than I was willing to put into it. I also realized that the 30 minutes it would take to get those pictures in the mail was important for me and the person who requested them.

For the items I realized I was not going to get to, I took them off my list and if needed, apologized to anyone else affected by that decision. With the items left on my list of commitments, I put them on the calendar. I literally made appointments for myself to complete each item. For the first time, June was a chance to mark things off and regroup. December held excitement as I had actually accomplished something that year.

Still...something was missing...but that will have to wait for my next post.

Greetings!

Happy New Year! May 2011 be full of blessings!

Goal: To post at least one blog per week for an entire year.

I guess I should start at the beginning. Why am I starting a blog? Why make such a goal? What do I really have to say anyway?

Many years ago, a book was suggested to me, "Getting Past Ok, Taking Your Life Into The WOW Zone" by Richard Brodie. My Mother-in-law and I used it for a presentation at church that January...2003. I found the ideas in the book so thought provoking, quite basic, yet they became part of a foundation. That foundation is the basis for this blog. The foundation of what my life is, of who I am, who I am meant to be, what my life purpose looks like.

It has been quite a process, one that really hasn't stopped and I honestly hope doesn't this side of heaven. My thoughts on this journey could fill a book, but that's another story. I will try to share this part of my journey over the next few posts.

I am blogging mostly for myself and my kiddos, but I welcome comments with great anticipation! The thoughts of others so often show me things I've never seen before. I pray God uses my thoughts in your personal journey and your thoughts in mine.