Book: Make A Difference (aka Camel)

Last week in a post, I mentioned that I am a camel and promised to fill you in on what that means...since it is normally not nice to call people animals.So here it is:

I was introduced to this research and study last spring and finally made it through the book this month. The book, Making A Difference by Dr Larry Little, is the first in a series of four on effective leadership utilizing an understanding of personalities. Whether in a marriage, family, work or community relationship, working through differences and conflict are essential for success. But not everyone experiences or processes these the same way. Understanding how I experience and process helps me understand my reaction to people or situations that don't line up with my view. Learning how others experience and process gives me the opportunity to speak their "language," if you will, and communicate more effectively.

Similar to other personality tests, think people, task, introvert and extrovert, Dr Larry uses animals as a unique twist. Monkey, Lion, Camel and Turtle are a fun way to discuss and process the information. For example a Camel: "When you think of Camels, think of processors, organizers, or systemic thinkers. It's all in the details for Camels. They are naturally introverted and pride themselves on following the rules." (pg 23) "The quickest way to destroy a relationship with a Camel is to withdraw all structure and organization from the relationship. Camels are analytical, detail-driven, and process-oriented. ...An unstructured environment causes a Camel to feel our of control. When a Camel feels out of control, he or she will become extremely critical and remove him or herself from the environment if at all possible." (pg 80-81)

Oh, my goodness, this is so me! While I may have some traits of the other animals and can certainly move outside my quadrant and, for example, be very outgoing in a certain situation, this is who I am when I am tired, stressed or in crisis mode. To be more emotional, outgoing or unstructured takes an emotional and mental toll on me, which then has to be replenished and refilled.

Once my primary animal was identified, the book then goes on to look at ways to communicate and connect with other animal personalities. I am detailed, but the Monkeys in my life are not. Asking my Monkeys to plan for next month is only going to frustrate both of us. Asking my Monkeys for ideas, creative avenues and to join me in a spontaneous activity can be fruitful. Learning how to work with each type or blending of types since not everyone is a thoroughbred, can limit frustrations and help resolve conflicts in productive ways so that our relationship(s) can grow and deepen.

My youngest is a wholehearted Monkey! She is outgoing and fun loving and spontaneous! She loves to spring ideas on the family, like right now we must go visit the cousins. Tomorrow will not work and next week might as well be forgotten. My second youngest is a Turtle (pictured below). He is thoughtful and emotional and determined. You cannot hurry him or speed him up or pressure him without risking a mental wall.

I kept thinking of the lessons I've been learning about love languages and how identifying mine is helpful and learning the languages of those I love and care about can deepen the relationships, but I can take it one step further and learn how to receive love communicated through other languages. Maybe this is similar. Understanding my personality and how I best communicate is helpful, but learning how to communicate, especially through conflict, in other languages can strengthen these relationships. Maybe one step further is to learn how to receive communication in a conflict or stressful situation in other languages.

There are three other books in the series, so I am sure I have more to uncover here, but I am enjoying the conversations in our home with my animals (it has often felt like I live in a zoo...) and broadening my understanding when working with the people in my life. Certainly making me think...

If you are interested in reading the book for yourself, it is available here

If you are interested in taking the personality test to discover whether you are a monkey, lion, camel or turtle, it is available here

Quilting: Anniversary Quilts

Since 2011, I have found great release and solace in quilting. Pulling pieces together, working them into a whole fabric and creating a work of art. But I found through the process, an opportunity to pray. Pray for myself, the person receiving this art, or anything on my heart. A couple years ago, I decided to make anniversary quilts for my sister-in-laws. The were both celebrating their 10th wedding anniversaries and this seemed like a neat opportunity to gift both couples.

As I selected the patterns and fabrics and began pulling pieces together, working them into a whole, I prayed. I prayed for them as individuals, as couples, as families. I prayed for the struggles and challenges and for the blessings and joys. As I worked to create these works of art, I wove in blessings and prayers and love. And as I presented them to these couples, I prayed that these quilts would act as a symbolic covering over their homes, families and marriages.

This quilt took on an Asian feel with a cherry tree branch appliqued across the top. It pushed my limits and abilities a bit, combining a couple patterns and making my own applique, but I really like how it turned out.

This quilt featured fabrics from the Downton Abbey line, as well as a beautiful sheet music print. This pattern was pretty challenging as well, angles never were my strength, but I love the end result!

I appreciate those that have helped me with this piece of my journey. I never saw myself as a quilter, but am thankful for this passion I never knew I had.

Sewing: Dresses

Many years ago, I promised my oldest two that for their sixteenth birthdays, they would get separate parties. The past thirteen years, they have shared parties, sometimes more graciously then others, but I wanted this to be all theirs. Our oldest turned sixteen this fall and as I promised, we planned two parties. I bought the boys suits and looked at purchasing dresses for the girls, but couldn't find anything we all liked in both sizes. So I decided to sew them.

We selected a pattern and fabric that would work for both parties, as well as Christmas and the father/daughter dance this month. We chose a lovely mid-fifteenth century style and gorgeous blue and silver fabrics. This was the first time I had ever sewn with metallic and don't recommend it! The little silver threads pulled and snagged easily while sewing and creating the dresses, but have continued to snag as they have been worn. I think I would have done a brocade without metallic if I was to do it again.

I also had to alter the dresses quite a bit, as my oldest is quite tall and the pattern didn't include both of their sizes, so the little one was completely re-patterned. After much deliberation, measuring, cutting, sewing, tearing out and resewing, we had two beautiful dresses with jackets for the parties. I had both girls assist with the process, including seam ripping, so these dresses were their creation too.

These photos truly don't do my girls or the dresses justice, but I hope you can imagine just how lovely they are! I appreciated the challenge of this project and see more matching dresses in my future sewing endeavors.

Languages of Love (Part 2)

A few years back for our anniversary my husband went all out, showering me with love for 15 days, one for every year we had been married. I was embarrassed and ashamed at the time to admit how much I disliked his "gift" and wished he had done something different. I went into detail in a blog post about a year later as my word for the year, clarity, was shining a light where I really didn't want it to. You can read up on that part of the story here.

Last month we celebrated another anniversary and he decided to do something big and lavish again. He kept tiptoeing around, though, trying to be sensitive to me and meet my expectations. I found myself cringing...the effects of the events four years ago were still impacting our marriage. I needed to take measures to break them immediately. I realized I needed to give my husband permission (ack, there's that word again) to love me. That sounds so simple, but it really was quite difficult.

Darling, you decide where we're going, when we leave and who cares for the children. Honey, you choose what we do (dinner, movie, ice skating, etc...) and just tell me when to be ready and whether I should dress for outdoors, indoors or formal. I don't need to control the plans, the details...I trust you. I will receive your gift of time, food, gifts, that you choose with all the love I sincerely believe you intend. Period.

I am a camel (a future blog, I promise) and do not handle chaos and unknowns well. I have come a long way and regularly live with last minute plans and details yet to be determined. I am raising at least one monkey and a turtle (what?) and I am learning to give them the space and encouragement they need to be who they are, not mini mes, but truly their own persons. But holy cow...in the midst of the chaos of the holidays and something as significant as our anniversary, to not only let go of all control, but to choose to accept whatever is given (even if it's not what I would have chosen) was a big step for me. Please don't judge. Find the camel in your life and ask...(again, another post, I promise).

My dearest husband arranged the care he felt was needed for our children and told me to be ready for a formal evening by 1:30pm. That was it.

Two hours later, I found myself in a salon in Des Moines getting a manicure (I can count on one hand how many of those I've ever had and never in a salon!). Then he took me to dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (only the second time I've ever eaten there...oh, so good!). As we were eating he said some really nice words about the woman, wife and mother I have become and then gave me this ring...

When we were married, we were dirt poor. We had barely enough to scrape by each month. So when he asked if I wanted an engagement ring, I said no. Diamonds just weren't important, eating was. In fact we didn't even exchange wedding bands at the ceremony. We saved up and bought them for our fifth anniversary. As the years went by, I had hoped our finances would allow for a small diamond ring, but something else always took precedence over diamonds. As more years went by, I realized an anniversary band made more sens as I felt this fit my lifestyle more. But still, diamonds didn't make it high enough on the list of places to put our money. A couple months ago, I saw this ring in a Kohl's ad at a ridiculously reduced price. I hinted that maybe it would be a good alternative and that maybe these diamonds could make it in the budget. He found a way and I am in love. Not because it is the ring I always wanted, it isn't. But because I know he gave it with all the love in his heart.

I know I am his one and only and every time I look at this ring, I am reminded that he stepped outside of his comfort zone to get this for me, he sacrificed to bring me joy. I gave him permission and he went above and beyond. But I had to give myself permission too. Permission to receive is maybe even harder than permission to give...I have a feeling I am not at the end of this lesson yet, but can say I am excited to have made it this far!

Welcome 2018

Hey there! I have been a bit absent, well, very absent for the last year and a half. I needed some time. Time to process on my own, to work through some ideas, to just be unbusy, uncommitted, unpressured. Writing this blog had become a to-do item, not a joy and release like it was in the beginning. So I took some time, re-evaluated my thoughts, life and goals and have decided to come back to the blog this year...so welcome to 2018!

I want to start this year and my first post back with my word. Each of the past four years I have chosen a word to be my focus for that year. This year, I have chosen "Permission" as my word to focus on.

Permission:  consent; authorization; approval; blessing; empowerment; say-so; the OK

The consent to say no. The authorization to try something new. The approval to move forward with an idea. The blessing to bow out. The empowerment to choose. The say-so to say yes. The OK to be the boss of me.

Whew...that kind of scares me...which means it is a good word for me. I find this challenge works better when I am not totally comfortable with the implications, I am ready for the unknown outcome that will inevitably come through this year. Years where I felt the word was safe, knocked me to the ground (in a good way) and woke me up to the reminder that I am very much not in control.

Today, this week, this month, permission means I am saying a lot of "no" in exchange for down time, me time, unbusyness. I am also saying yes to a couple things that I have felt held back from and am just going to dive in this year. I give myself permission to try and risk failing. I give myself permission to find this hard and challenge myself to look for the lessons, the positive, the gratitude. I can't wait to see what this year and this focus on permission will bring...bring it on!