Permission

noun: authorization granted to do something; formal consent. In her online class, The Gifts of Imperfection, Dr Brene` Brown talks about experiencing fear and anxious feelings about an upcoming experience and deciding to give herself permission to relax and enjoy the time, to be excited and playful. She has sense used permission slips in moments when she experienced fear, often putting it on a post-it note in her pocket.

She gave two assignments regarding making permission slips. Once at the beginning of the class and once towards the end. Here are mine:

"Permission to: make mistakes, be honest, be imperfect, be temporary, try & fail,

experiment, take time for this, share as needed."

"I have permission to: mess up, try something new, to be authentic."

I was amazed at the impact simply writing these down had on my frame of mind and emotional state. I was also struck my a common theme...trying something new/experiment/try and risk messing up/making mistakes/being imperfect. This led me to ask, how often do I hold back, not try something, say no to an idea, an experiment, an opportunity simply because I am afraid of failing, falling, looking stupid or silly and imperfect?

I need to keep journalling and digging into this, but I would love to know, if you gave yourself permission...what would it be?

A Week in My Life

...well, actually more like a day, because let's face it, I am way to busy to haul my camera with me everywhere. But, it was a fun challenge to take photos that represented everyday life in our home. This was for the Gifts of Imperfection online class I was taking earlier this year. I printed them out in black and white and then drew a simple silver boarder on each one.

 I described wheat was going on in each individual photo and then I summarized my life:  My life is cleaning, cooking, schoolwork with the kids (14, 12, 9 & 5). It is reading - alone and with the kids, sewing, putting holiday stuff away. My newest niece and snow and play dates and year planning. It is cabin fever and it goes by so fast.

Sewing: Serenity II

Four years ago, when we were in the rental in Cedar Rapids, I took advantage of many opportunities including some sewing classes. One of my favorites was for this purse! I loved experimenting with Texture Magic to create a unique, dimensional front flap for this purse. It is called Serenity II Shoulder Bag and is available through By Annie.

I gave this purse to my brother's wife, who has enjoyed using it so much, it has begun to fall apart. I took this opportunity to make another one. She asked for purple and flowers, so I selected a paisley floral batik print in purple for the accent color and a solid dark purple for the main color. I had not worked with texture magic since then and enjoyed playing with patterns until settling on one similar to my original. I really like the lines.

Assembling that many layers of material, batting and pockets is challenging, but the pattern is fairly basic and, for someone who knows their way around a machine, is quick to assemble. I has to take out stitching a couple times, but still finished it in a couple of days.

The above photos were taken on my kitchen island and the photo below was taken on my desk...same room, very different lighting. The photo below shows more accurate colors and it turned out really pretty!

My husband has asked if this means I will be making my sister-in-law purses in perpetuity (try saying that three times fast). I said no...but maybe I should teach her to make them. They are so much fun!

Imperfection

I am a huge fan of Brene` Brown. I state that up front so y'all know...I enjoy her stories, her writing style and her content really speaks to my soul! I could see us sitting at my kitchen table talking about families, relationships, experiences...for hours. If you have not read any of her books or watched her TED talks, I strongly encourage you to do so.

Daring Greatly, Dr Brown's first book, was a wonderfully inspiring book. It spoke truth into some vary painful parts of my heart, which I shared in this post and continued here. The "Man in the Arena" speech is on my fridge and I often catch myself and ask if I am "foreboding joy." I have gifted it and encouraged many to check it out.

The Gifts of Imperfection is Dr Brown's second book and continues along the same journey, taking us further into the heart of what it means to live and to live wholeheartedly. There is no good way to share everything I learned and discovered and loved about this book, but I will share a few highlights and then encourage you to read it yourself! (You can borrow mine...just ignore all the highlighting.)

She digs into some hard issues and doesn't hold back. Sometimes while reading, I catch myself recoiling and holding my breath...not because I don't believe what she is saying, but because I do and I really don't want to. She talks about courage ("to tell your story with your whole heart") and shame. About stillness ("creating a clearing...an emotionally clutter-free space...allows me to feel and think and dream and question") and calm ("managing emotional reactivity").

One piece that has always been hard for me is perfectionism, striving to make people happy, striving to be good enough, striving to be worthy of your love and approval. But "perfectionism isn't striving to be my best..it's a way to protect myself from hurt." Ouch! My worth does not lie in my performance, and I know that, but I still fall into that trap more often than I would like to admit.

While reading Imperfections, I became aware of an online class Brene` was offering through Oprah Winfrey using this book as a guide for an art journal of sorts. I was able to catch it on sale last fall, but didn't get to sit down with it until last month. I loved the added input from Brene`, her sisters and friends. I loved the challenges and actually did some painting, which is very new and out there for me. I would like to share a couple pages from that journal. These are two of the pieces that stuck out to me enough to warrant a page in my journal. 

"The opposite of play is not work--the opposite of play is depression.

Become intentional about cultivating sleep and play."

"Grief is the loss of normal."

Dr Brown released another book this past year, Rising Strong, which I am currently reading it. It has already spoken into several personal situations. Her writing may not be for everyone, but I am grateful to have her thoughts available to read.

You can purchase "The Gifts of Imperfection" here.

Gratitude Update

Hold space. I have been wrestling with this term for several months. I love the feelings it congers but have struggled to define it. I believe I have experienced it and at times have been able to provide it for others. Researching this term, I found this definition:

"What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they're on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control." *

Those who walk my journey with me and allow me the privilege of walking with them, who hold space with me, are in my gratitude journal. A space I hold for clarity, joy, thankfulness. I am filling it with words and photos and quotes and drawings that remind me of all I am grateful for.

* http://heatherplett.com/2015/03/hold-space/