What "Christ-Life" is for me

A few years ago I was introduced to a series of classes, material on living, not just life but "Christ-Life" (link below). It is quite a unique material, which I highly recommend to everyone regardless what you believe. It is truly eye-opening and thought provoking. Last year, I was given the opportunity to co-facilitate the second and third phases of the material. I was so blessed and enriched through the experience of sharing and see myself involved in this for the foreseeable future.

As a facilitator, I have the privilege of not only sharing the thoughts and concepts, but also sharing how they touch me. The most frequently asked question has been, "How does your life look now that you know this?" I think it's a great question and since I suggest others take these classes, I thought I would share my answer and an example on my blog.

Honestly, my life looks very similar. To most people, nothing has significantly changed. I do not have a longer prayer time or extra devotionals. I didn't assemble a prayer corner nor do I make extra trips to church. My schedule isn't dictated by this material...my mind is renewed by the truths moment by moment.

For example:  I have an important meeting scheduled for today. The meeting itself isn't important to this story, but suffice it to say many hours and emotions have gone into this and I am anxious, excited and very nervous to be done. This day and time have been set for a couple weeks now, as anticipation has grown. Yesterday, the snow storm (which was originally forecasted for Thurs) was bumped back to Wed (today) and the expected snow totals were tripled. We may have to postpone the appointment. Here is what happened inside my head as this was becoming reality yesterday.

"Are you kidding me! Seriously God, tomorrow? After all this work, all this planning, all these nervous moments...are you freaking kidding me? I don't think I can do this! I can't put this off any longer. I need this done and off my list...now! Just, really, you've got to be kidding, right?!?

(exhale) I know, I know...not my timing, not my plan, not my will, this is most definitely NOT about me. Your timing is perfect, Your plan and will for me are better than I could ever do on my own. This is about You. (sigh) So whatever happens, happens. This is out of my control, I have done what You've asked of me and there is nothing left for me to do but wait on You to show me the next step. (breathe) Please pour out some extra peace and strength, we're gonna need it."

Notice the emphasis on me? I tend to do that, I like to make things about me. I've got it in my head that somehow I'm responsible for everything and that if something doesn't work right, it's my fault. I tend to put myself down and let things (like the weather) dictate how I feel and what I think of myself, and therefore what I think others think of me. But when I stop my rant and acknowledge truth, the focus is moved off of me and back on God where it belongs. Am I anxious today? Sure, I am still human and emotions are an important part of being human. But I am not stressing over the weather or beating myself up for...well, whatever I come up with this time.

My mind is ok with whatever the outcome is, because I am waiting for the door to either close or re-open. I'm not forcing it one way or the other and I'm not fretting about what isn't in my control. To the rest of the world, nothing has changed, I look just the same and am doing my regular work today (laundry and paperwork). But inside, my mind has been renewed, again,with assurance that God is in control and He is not leaving me "hangin'," He's just busy working and will let me know when it's time to act again.

I don't have extra prayer times because I am talking through each situation/thought/emotion with Him. I don't go to extra church services, because He is here where I am. While these are good things, they are not what makes this truth work for me. Christ is in me working through me, always. God is in control and my life is about Him, not me. The peace I experience in the midst of chaos is the evidence for me that these truths are taking root. And when I succeed at putting myself aside (or "crucifying" the self in me) and rest in Him, I am glorifying Him. When others see the peace and lack of fear or worry, that is when my life begins to look different to the world.

The Ultimate Journey is based out of Des Moines, IA. While this material is bible based and certainly "Christian," I do feel that anyone would benefit and find at least a few pieces they can relate to and utilize.

Hello 2013...

Well, January is already half over and I am just getting back to writing my goals for the year. I have been unable to concentrate on much these past two weeks, but my household needs me to get back on track...so here goes!

Last years goals focused mainly on the house and getting moved in and settled. While there are days I still feel very unsettled, I feel I accomplished the heart of my goals. I also managed to share 52 blog posts, try some new projects and push my comfort zone again. I would not wish to repeat 2012, as it was filled with challenges and more loss, but it was a year of change and some of that change was good.

For 2013, I want to blog every week again and continue learning more quilting, sewing, and other craftiness. I want to photograph more (thinking a couple photo challenge months) and continue the reading blog I started this past summer. I plan on facilitating more classes at the House of Hope and encouraging my daughter in her love of sewing.

Of course, health is still high on the priority list. I never get where I want to be at the end of the year, but I always seem to end up in a better place mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have decided progress is progress regardless how slowly I seem to move.

We want to travel a bit more this summer. Our kids are getting older and we really only have about six years to plan on all four kids being available. But being financial stable is a higher priority for both of us and there are still some financial unknowns for the next few months, so we may have to push off some of our plans until next year.

How about you? How did 2012 go for you? What does 2013 look like? And plans or goals you'd like to share?

Grief

This past week our family lost a cousin and the world lost a very precious little boy. In an instant, three year old Sawyer was gone and a family entered into grief. All week I have been caught between an emotional numbness and an overwhelming memory.

When I close my eyes it is July 11, 2011 and I am standing in my driveway. I am looking at the pile of rubble which used to be my home. My little one's crib is in pieces 100 yards from the house, my son's bed is pinned down under a section of the roof. I am in hysterics, barley able to catch my breath. EMT's are on either side of me and someone keeps telling me "it's just a house, ma'am, it's ok." My mind is reeling and I can't get the words out, I just keep repeating "He saved my babies. He saved my babies."

What I couldn't get out that day, was the reality that all six of us could have been killed. Our families could have been planning six funerals. If one or both of us had somehow miraculously survived, we could have been burying one, two, three or even all four of our babies. He saved my babies! God asked me to let go of my home, of most of my possessions, of my great-grandmother's tea cups, of the tea set my father bought me for my sixteenth birthday. But He didn't ask me to let go of my babies or my husband. Somehow in His plan and purpose for our family, all six of us are still needed. And today, I am beyond grateful.

Today, I get the opportunity to hug my children and read them a story, to hold them and tuck them into bed tonight. My dear cousin does not, and I can't explain why. I don't understand the plans and purposes of God. And I'm not going to try to explain what I don't understand. I am going to love my cousins and hug them and cry with them and remind them how very much their God loves them and how their precious son has been in the hands of God since before the foundations of the world...and he still is.

When I was in a very deep place of loss a several years ago, the lyrics of a song by Third Day, Show Me Your Glory, became my prayer. When my dear friend faced the loss of her newborn, I prayed this for her. And now, I will pray it for my cousins.

"Lord, Show them Your glory! Bring down Your presence in such a real way that they can actually feel You. Show them Your face. Show them Your glory in little Sawyer's life. They can't go on without You, Lord."

Please, give your kids a hug today, for this grieving family. Call your grown children and your grandchildren and tell them you love them. Today is a gift and tomorrow is not guaranteed.


* A post on our family's loss by my Father-in-law, By the Rivers of Babylon
* My original post on this prayer, A Page From My Journal