The guilt of not being in the game with them, really present in the moment was stifling. "What kind of a mother are you anyway? Get out there and be a the kind of mom you always said you'd be!"
But not to be outdone by the shame of missing the perfect angle/lighting/shutter speed/pose for a photograph. "Ha! You think you are a photographer? Anyone could do better than you are at this right now. Don't embarrass yourself by actually posting these anywhere. They are a disgrace! Just give up before you ruin everything!"
Softly, almost missed by the negative voices shouting at me, another voice was reassuring and speaking truth. "Just breathe, take in this moment, see the smiles, hear the laughter, this memory will be with you all and no breathtaking photo can add or diminish from this...just breathe. Take the photo that you can, because your grandchildren will love seeing you all playing together, and then put the camera down and enjoy the moment. Your worth is not in how many football games you play with your children...and neither is your value in the quality of the photos you take."
Most often I have to chose between capturing life and living it...because as much as I love capturing our lives, for me there is no greater joy than living in the moment.
I am a mom and a photographer, seldom both at the same time, and I love my life!
