Reality

So I have been in a funk this week, the kind that just makes me want to curl up in a corner and let time pass unnoticed. I am embarrassed to say it took almost two days for me to figure out what was going on, because once I realized the cause it seemed so obvious. Yet I didn't want to admit reality...I didn't want to give it a voice, but a voice is exactly what it needed to become real to me and then be able to work through it.

This past weekend a massive group of storms moved through the southern United States, destroying many homes and claiming too many lives. The photos take me back to the moment almost three years ago that I stood in my driveway taking in the scene of our destroyed home. The moment I realized we could have lost our children, I could have lost Ben, I could have been killed. The reality is painful and my subconscious seeks to protect me from this reality. Another storm, another set of all-to-familiar photos and my brain tries to shut out the pain, the grief that I feel for myself, my family and all the families that now understand what we experienced, or worse realizing the loss of life we were spared. I can't look at the photos, I can't read the stories, I can't let myself live in the grief...I need to live in this moment.

I tell myself it's been long enough, this shouldn't bother me anymore. But the reality is...it still does. Reality is...I may never be able to look at the photos and read the stories and that is ok. If you don't understand my grief, that's ok. I am grateful that not everyone understands, because I would truly never wish grief and pain on anyone. And to those who do understand, you remind that I am not alone and neither are you!

Reality is too many days I take my life, my husband and my kids for granted. Too many days I allow myself to keep busy and forget the reality that life to too precious to be so busy. Reality is, weeks like this remind me...