Late into my teenage years as my walk of faith in God grew, I found conviction in beliefs of my own. I had always "believed" in God, but I was getting to know Him personally and in my relationship with Him I was learning more of who He really is. You see I had come to "believe" that I was a good Christian girl who followed all the rules and did what she was told. But I was finding, that living in someone else's faith is not true faith and not everything I was told was the truth. I had always believed everything my father said was true and the reality that it wasn't was crushing. But the real reality is that not everything that everyone says is true! Even the best teachers can only teach what they know and believe to be true, I believe God challenges us to seek the truth for ourselves and not accept it on faith from other human beings.
One such conviction, was that of the fourth commandment. Quite cocky, I decided to memorize the ten commandments, feeling confident that I had never broken one, nor would I. Wow, how naive was I? Anyway, the fourth commandment kept jumping off the page at me, almost screaming at me until I had to address it. I find it interesting, that I didn't feel shame, but confident that I had to look at this. I believe that is one way to discern a conviction from God. He has never used shame to guilt me, He always gently guides me (well, sometimes He may not be so gentle, but you get the idea).
"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy." What the heck does that mean? How do I "remember" this particular day? And how do you "holy" something? I started by not working on Sundays, 'cause everyone said that was the new Sabbath. But that didn't settle right in my spirit. So I changed it to Saturdays, 'cause that is the seventh day of the week. Still not right. I stopped shopping, changed some other habits for "Sabbath", just not satisfied that I was "getting" it. Through a strange turn of events, I found a small church plant who believed all the basic bible founded Christian beliefs...but they met on Sabbath and taught about the importance of "keeping" the Sabbath. More pieces fell into place as I tried to grasp what God was teaching me with this process.
You know what I came to? That "remembering" and keeping "holy" speak more about my relationship with God than they do with a list of what I will or won't do. What I was missing was so basic, yet so challenging. If God "rested" on the seventh day, than His presence is there, somehow different than the other six days of the week. If His presence is there, than that would make it "holy" (just as the ground around the burning bush was deemed to be holy ground). If I take time to seek His presence on this hallowed day, than I am seeking to remember. I love the Sabbath's that are slow and restful, with simple meals, a meaningful worship service and time for conversations. But most of all, I make time to remember Him, to share with Him, to listen to Him, to share Him with others. I make Sabbath a day for relationships. The laundry can wait. On Sabbath, my relationships with God, family, friends and sometimes the stranger on the street corner are of the utmost importance.
For me, that means there is no list of can and can nots. There is no one I can get special "permission" from to "break" the Sabbath. In fact there are Saturday's that I may work, volunteering to cover so a coworker can attend a family wedding. I may go shopping, buying food for a family in need. I may go out to eat, to minister to my own family or a friend who needs to be heard and prayed for. This conviction requires sharing my heart with God and being ready to follow His lead. I cannot tell you all the amazing, faith-growing adventures I have had on Sabbaths!
This has not been the only conviction, but one that was especially challenging because at that time, none of my family or friends shared it. In fact, most of my family and friends today, still don't share this belief with me. But placing my relationship with God above all others, I believed that what He was teaching me was true and that if I was wrong He would let me know. I believe He will do that for anyone who asks and I still hold Him to it.
What is of particular interest to me about all of this: if I had not confronted this conviction, if I had not changed my beliefs on the matter, if I had not followed this path to a congregation that believed what I did...I would not have met Ben, he would not have married me and our four beautiful children would not exist. Wow! The next time I get that feeling of conviction about something...I may be a little more eager to see where it leads!
*Exodus 20:8
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