Who are we really saving...

Today is Father's Day, the day we remind the men in our lives that we value their influence and inspire them to step up to the needs of those depending on them. But sometimes the influence of "dad" doesn't appear valuable, sometimes there is abuse, neglect, abandonment. How do you celebrate "father's day" when memories of "dad" are painful.

A few weeks ago I watched a movie, Saving Mr Banks, which is based of the true story of the making of Disney's Mary Poppins. The characters are fabulous and the story is told in such an intriguing way, that I found myself caught up in the music and quippy lines. Things like:  "That's what we storytellers do. We restore order with imagination. We instill hope again and again and again." And:  Mrs Travers: "I won't let her turn into one of your cartoons." Mr Disney: "Says the woman who sent a flying nanny with a talking umbrella to save the children." Mrs Travers: "You think Mary Poppins has come to save the children."

That is until nearly the end of the film when Mr Disney and Mrs Travers share a cup of tea and a rather vulnerable moment talking about their fathers. Both realizing that the men they called "dad" were less than perfect, in some ways abusive even, but choosing to let go of the pain they move forward with the story and use their experience to encourage and inspire others. In seeking their own healing, they offer healing to each other and many others.

I must confess I was sobbing at this point, because this is such a huge challenge when engaging with human beings:  they are not perfect! I believe most dads do the best they know how, with what they've seen and experienced, with what a "dad" is to them. The problem is they are human and just like moms and just like you and me...they make mistakes, they can be wrong, sometimes they do hurtful or harmful things. But the mistakes of my parents (or the mistakes of your parents, or of myself as a parent) do not have to define who we become as human beings ourselves. These mistakes may mark us, influence us, change us...but I can choose not to be defined by them.

I can choose to let go of the times I have been let down or hurt or (fill in with whatever) and use those experiences to move forward. Forgive...don't forget...change the story!