Grief

This past week our family lost a cousin and the world lost a very precious little boy. In an instant, three year old Sawyer was gone and a family entered into grief. All week I have been caught between an emotional numbness and an overwhelming memory.

When I close my eyes it is July 11, 2011 and I am standing in my driveway. I am looking at the pile of rubble which used to be my home. My little one's crib is in pieces 100 yards from the house, my son's bed is pinned down under a section of the roof. I am in hysterics, barley able to catch my breath. EMT's are on either side of me and someone keeps telling me "it's just a house, ma'am, it's ok." My mind is reeling and I can't get the words out, I just keep repeating "He saved my babies. He saved my babies."

What I couldn't get out that day, was the reality that all six of us could have been killed. Our families could have been planning six funerals. If one or both of us had somehow miraculously survived, we could have been burying one, two, three or even all four of our babies. He saved my babies! God asked me to let go of my home, of most of my possessions, of my great-grandmother's tea cups, of the tea set my father bought me for my sixteenth birthday. But He didn't ask me to let go of my babies or my husband. Somehow in His plan and purpose for our family, all six of us are still needed. And today, I am beyond grateful.

Today, I get the opportunity to hug my children and read them a story, to hold them and tuck them into bed tonight. My dear cousin does not, and I can't explain why. I don't understand the plans and purposes of God. And I'm not going to try to explain what I don't understand. I am going to love my cousins and hug them and cry with them and remind them how very much their God loves them and how their precious son has been in the hands of God since before the foundations of the world...and he still is.

When I was in a very deep place of loss a several years ago, the lyrics of a song by Third Day, Show Me Your Glory, became my prayer. When my dear friend faced the loss of her newborn, I prayed this for her. And now, I will pray it for my cousins.

"Lord, Show them Your glory! Bring down Your presence in such a real way that they can actually feel You. Show them Your face. Show them Your glory in little Sawyer's life. They can't go on without You, Lord."

Please, give your kids a hug today, for this grieving family. Call your grown children and your grandchildren and tell them you love them. Today is a gift and tomorrow is not guaranteed.


* A post on our family's loss by my Father-in-law, By the Rivers of Babylon
* My original post on this prayer, A Page From My Journal