Marriage

Fifteen years ago this month, I met my husband, Benjamin. It was not love at first sight, but rather friendship that grew and deepened into love. We have now been married for thirteen years, I deeply love my hubby and feel we have the kind of marriage I always knew I wanted, but didn't know how to have. I have grown and learned a lot in the past couple of decades, come to understand a lot about myself and my relationships.

I have been asked how our relationship has survived, how are we still so happy and in love. I used to answer that it is because we see no other option. We are both so committed to our relationship, that we actively work to keep communication open and "love tanks" full (a term used in Kevin Lehman's book "The Five Love Languages" to define the emotional tank in each of us). Regardless of how I feel today I will invest in our marriage. After all, I may feel differently tomorrow.

While I still think that has played an integral part in our relationship, this past few months I have become aware of a potentially more important piece. We both know our target...and we both have the same one!

Before we were even married, we talked about his and my dreams and goals for the future and most importantly how they fit together to become our dreams and goals for our future. At least a couple times a year, we touch base, compare notes, discuss how things are going and how things have changed. We discuss any changes in our plans that have come about and our options so we can make the adjustments necessary to keep us on the same path, on one we both want to be on.

If I don't know where I'm headed, how can I expect someone else to get there with me? Employment, housing, church, children, education, hobbies, activities, friends...it can all fit when we work on it together and consider each others' needs, goals and desires. I don't feel like I sacrifice for Ben, I feel that we work together to get what is most important to both of us.

As we've gone about rebuilding our home, we've reevaluated our plans for the future many times. We are remaining strong through this ongoing storm because we stand as one, with one goal, one target. That doesn't mean this has been easy, it just means we will survive...and once again thrive...together!