Six Months...and counting...

January 11, 2012 ~ Six months since we lost the house. Six months of not being able to go home, not feeling like normal, like we belong, not feeling rest and safe in that rest. Six months has flown by and yet crawled at a sometimes agonizingly slow pace. And as progress on the new house continues, I have come to the realization that moving into the finished house is not going to make this all "over."

Physically we are fine. Financially we will survive (I am working with a financial adviser, trying to take this hit as responsibly as possible). The new house will be finished and quite lovely, I'm sure. But emotionally and mentally, we have a long road of recovery still ahead...all six of us.

We didn't just lose a building and our things. We lost the place we felt we belonged, where we were safe to feel, learn, grow, express ourselves, make mistakes, to simply be! I miss that most of all.

I am finding myself depressed today...I want to cry...I just want to go home! I'm resisting the urge to toss the kids in the van and go buy a coke. I know that won't fix anything. I'm not craving the pop, but the comfort of the familiar. When the pop is gone my home will still be gone, it will just be accompanied by the yucky feeling I get when I don't eat/drink well. That certainly isn't going to help my mood any!

I am getting tired of the days I need to list the blessings, the positives. I need to spend some time alone with my journal again. I need to let myself be sad...but not today. Today four children need their mommy's love and support. Today phone calls need to be made. Today the next three weeks of work need to be lined up. Today I have the privilege of babysitting a precious little boy. Today is for my family...maybe tomorrow can have a smidgen of time for me.

Last summer I took some photos as part of a photography challenge.
This is the one I took for the theme "necessity" and given my mood today,
I think lots of water is a real necessity for my body today.